Use Your Pain or It Will Use You

Use Your Pain or It Will Use You. By Debbie Lynn

It takes such strength to get-it-together after a hard blow.

It takes the willingness and a lot of energy to fully, deeply get out of our wounds and to function to some kind of normality again. Or should we? Maybe touching our normal is too vague, too odd, too, too much when everything is upside down—and herein lies the point.

First it hurts—heavy, hard, and musty. Then it turns from stank, to denial as every inch in our delusion tries to push the horrific into a very tiny space. This space is so small (so very small) that numbness takes over, pouring out tiny slivers of what really needs to be addressed. But we don’t, we can’t, we won’t. And those tiny slivers just bury themselves under the skin.

Denial? Wrong answer, wrong place, and wrong time.

And we say, “ I just want it all to go away and for things to be better.” But it doesn’t and it can’t and it won’t.

We are altered for life (good bad or indifferent) when pain rears its dark face. The face that is seared into the soul forever leaving a mark, a scare of the chaos and the fight we have in front of us. And the question is always, “How do we overcome?”

The truth is, it isn’t about overcoming (and no one wants to hear this). It is about settling into the wounded soul and then utilizing it for betterment, and we have to endure the fact that pain changes us. With this acceptance we begin to put the shattered pieces (glue and all) back to some semblance of our soul; then going backwards will never be an option ever again.

So now you are here—naked, vulnerable and alone—and things are different.

Look in the mirror. Is there is a reflection of someone you thought you knew?

Look in your eyes. Let the tears come. They have to be released. The tears are a cleanse—a detox—and a natural part of our humanness. This is the first step to trusting and believing in our pain.

The second step is to stop shaming your self. Stop thinking that there is nothing left but a shell. There isso much more, but it is just a bit different. It is a bit wiser, a bit stronger and a little bit of that strength will go a very long way.

Fact: We have to go through the shit to get to the good stuff. It is the cosmic law and until we are willing to hold space for the holy crap, the best of the best will always be an illusion.

Back to the mirror: Red eyes, filled with multi-layered promises and the light of “We came, we conquered, we move on.”  To put your warrior soul “out there” is nothing short of a huge dose of courage. Drink it up. Feel the power.

You see, no one has to know what happened. It just doesn’t matter.

What is important is the reflection you emit now. You echo your strength and know that the wretched burn in the belly of the darkest nights is over. That is something to believe in fully, because no one, no one, wants to be with us when we are pitiful.

Now stand tall.

Once we get past mourning (and it is good to mourn) it is time to dig into the toxicity that messed with our heads and hearts, then avow, “It made an impression, lesson well learned.”

There will always be problems, but there will always be joy. We have a choice and we have to grasp this concept and balance it out. We can’t stay hideous forever or we die, and believe me when I tell you thatis what happens when we cling too tightly to an ugly situation. There is NO need for retribution, or vengeance (Karma takes care of itself).

One last thing I can say is, “Use the pain or it will use you.”